For me, offense is in the listeners mind. Words are simply words. Taking offense to such things is a personal choice. You can choose to be offended or not.
I don’t mean to imply that the victims of bullying or racism or whatever are to blame for their own offense, certainly the words being used as insults is entirely the fault of those that use them in that manner, but it does require that the terms are taken in that same context - as an insult. One term that I feel has had this treatment and been almost turned around by society is the word “gay”. It’s fallen so far out of fashion to use “gay” as a form of insult that in general use, calling someone “gay” isn’t really all that insulting. It’s more offensive to try to use that as an insult than it is precieved as an insult to the listener. Anyone trying to offend with that word is usually seen as someone who is ignorant at best. I have been the victim of bullying in my youth and I have been called gay on several occasions. I am not gay, nor any other classification of LGBTQ+; I support equal rights for everyone including and especially the LGBTQ+ community members. I’m great described as an ally of the group.
The fact is, several previously offensive terms in this same vein, have been taken back by the communities that were one offended at the use. Sometimes the term becomes endearing more than any kind of offensive. Among the African community we see this with “the N word”. Though that’s an internal community use, and not more generalized like gay has become.
I don’t think that my opinions on whether words are or should be offensive changes anything; I have no issues avoiding these problematic words to benefit my fellow humans, and make them more comfortable in what I’m trying to say. Avoiding even the implication that I’m being offensive in my terminology. I feel that restricting my use (or rather eliminating it) of certain words to benefit others, is a small price to pay to help my fellow humans. So small in fact that it goes almost completely unnoticed; and that’s fine. I don’t need nor want recognition for anything I’m doing for the benefit of others. I feel as though it’s my duty to ensure that I am correctly understood, and that no offense is taken when no offense is intended; furthermore, I never intend offense, since there’s never a good enough reason to simply disparage people whom I don’t know, and usually good reasons not to disparage people I know. So to me, even the risk of someone taking offense at something I say is far too much of a risk for me to even say the words that they will find offensive.
“So unto others as you would have them do unto you” - one of the few things I live by. I wish to be treated with respect and dignity, so I will treat others with the respect and dignity I hope that they will give me. Though this statement is most frequently referenced by religion, specifically Christian religions, I am not religious, but the statement is nevertheless valid and something I try to adhere to.
The main factor that saddens me is that my friends and fellow humans allow their emotions to be dictated by the use of these offensive terms by ignorant and uncaring people. The most important thing to me of everything I’ve said is the underlying implication that by getting angry at the use of a word by someone who doesn’t respect you enough to avoid it, gives them control over you and your emotions. The anger is justified, and I’m not going to say, nor imply its wrong to be upset, your feelings are valid; but giving someone else control over you for using a word? It seems like you’re giving bigots and assholes far too much power. They don’t deserve it and they certainly don’t deserve your attention, or time… And they certainly don’t deserve to have any control over you at all. You deserve better than that from them, and from yourself.
But, far be it for me to tell anyone how to think or how to live. I will do my best out here, and I hope that makes a difference to those around me. I hope that others do the same and collectively, we can eliminate such offense towards individuals at the mere utterance of such words, and they’ll fall from favor as “gay” already has done.
I love all of you, no matter what you believe, who you are, or any other factor that might divide us. I wish you all the very best and all the happiness in the world.