“Bricking” though normally means turning a software problem into a hardware problem. You just have a software problem, which is infinitely easier to fix.
One is the permanent loss of any possibility of receiving the parental love that every child deserves.
The second is the actual human being that was your parent.
Separate the two.
Grieving the first does not require you to grieve the second.
And remember that there are no "should"s in grief: we might grieve over something that has no logic behind it, and we might not grieve when someone else thinks we should.
Ignore all of that.
Focus on what your grief is telling you is important, and use any future opportunity for growth to grow in that direction.
If OP tested a thousand dice, and this is the one that came out on the bottom, then it’s incredibly likely it’s just random because of how many dice were tested.
MULTIPLE COMPARISON CHANGES THE RULES OF STATISTICAL HYPOTHESIS TESTING, and the OP is giving us a single result from multiple comparisons which are censored.