This is the 3rd time he’s trying to break up with me, and last time he promised that he’d wait for me and that he won’t break up with me again and that I’d be the one to do so. Just my trust in him is shattered after this.
I know you like him, but that second time should have been the sign to walk (if the first one wasn’t enough).
I am just not sure which way to take this, try to continue with the visit and maybe still stay together or just decide not to go and cut him off from being friends.
If there’s no chance of a compromise between the two positions (ie don’t visit, say you get the message but you can stay friends. Just as long as you know that, a few months from now, you won’t be trying to talk him into giving it another chance) then I suppose you go with the latter option.
I don’t know either of you or your dynamic but it looks almost inevitable that, if you flew out there and talked it through, you’d agree to give things another go. Then a few months later you’d be right back at this point again.
He’s said he doesn’t want the relationship to continue three times, you need to accept that and do whatever you feel you need to do to ensure it doesn’t happen a fourth time as this isn’t good for either of you. If that means cutting off all contact then so be it.
Hey man, I’m sorry you’re going through this. That being said, you need to let him go. It’s not worth staying in a relationship if the other person wants out. It isn’t healthy for either of you.
If you feel like that will give you more closure on the relationship, then go for it. Don’t let meeting up influence you to try to keep the relationship going longer though. He’s already wanted to end this multiple times and you are hurting yourself by keeping it going at this point.
It really odd, i feel like a bit that this break is just temporary and that we’ll get back together, like so much history and friends groups just all gone in a moment. Its rough
It's your wedding, not theirs. Invite whoever you want, or none. This should not be about your uncle, brother or even your mom, but about you and your SO.
I think you should take any opportunity to reduce stress on you on your wedding day. The wedding is for you and your partner and that’s all that will matter in the end.
People that are so selfish that they’d rather bicker and pick fights with other guests at the cost of everyone else’s enjoyment should definitely not be invited.
If you want, just explain to them why you felt you needed to make the decisions you did. Maybe they’ll care enough to listen and take a look at themselves, or maybe not.
It’s unfortunate that they still behave that way at that point in their lives, and I get it that we all have our own set of issues and that nobody is perfect. But, I really don’t think it’s worth risking it on your wedding day. Like I said, that day is for you two. Share it with the people who you can count on to experience that happiness with.
You’re under no obligation to invite anyone aside from your spouse-to-be and legal witnesses. Everyone else is optional, especially people who would create drama and/or hamper the enjoyment of other guests you do want at the wedding.
My partner and I eloped with our witnesses and parents when we got hitched. There was griping on both sides of course, but if I didn’t care enough to have anyone else at the ceremony, why would I give a fuck about their feelings and takes on that decision? They could either get over it or not.
Anyone who gets upset with you for making a choice about YOUR life that in no way materially impacts them or theirs needs a reality check. It’s your life and your wedding. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
It’s your wedding and it’s down to you who attends.
Who ever you do or don’t invite will always cause some friction so it’s a lose/lose situation where the best compromise is to make yourself and your partner happy.
If you’re paying for the wedding yourselves just invite whoever you want. No reason to feel guilty for leaving people out, especially if they’re toxic like that.
If you’re getting help financially from family, I would discuss it with them discretely to make sure there’s no expectations, and make your feelings very known. And still don’t invite if you really don’t feel it’s right. It’s your day.
Your mum comes first. You don’t even have contact with the brother who bullies her and the father who taught him to bully her, why would you ruin her day just to be nice to them?
One day, her brother might grow up and become a decent person. Missing out on your wedding might be the thing that helps him change so don’t deny him that opportunity. Your grandad should have a chance to reflect on how he managed to produce a son so horrible they both missed out on your wedding because of it. He still has time to apologise to her.
I wouldn’t invite him. Weddings are not about the family, they are about the couple. Everyone that starts a drama about invitations and stuff is missing the point.
I know it feels like it due to societal pressures, but you don’t have to invite anyone to your wedding, except maybe your spouse would be a good idea. Everyone else is optional.
Your mother is more important to you than your uncle, and if you want her there, not inviting your uncle is perfectly fine. In fact, I would even uninvite anyone that tries to shame you into inviting your uncle. Just additional drama that I wouldn’t need in my life.
Who comes to your wedding is your (and your spouse’s) decision only, and every invite should make your wedding better, not worse. It’s possible to be an asshole with who you invite, but in this case it’s absolutely not, you’re not trying to hurt anyone, you’re trying to prevent pain.
Usually someone who has obsessive behavior has something in their life that they're not settled with. The brain sort of "gets stuck" trying to redress the imbalance of the unmet need; the coping behavior (in this case the trashy shows) doesn't actually fulfill the need, but the brain's still latched onto it as what might help if you just get enough of it, so the consumption grows out of all proportion.
What's making her unsettled could be anything; could be work, or something in your relationship, or stress about money that's making it so she can't get settled mentally, or what have you. No way to tell from the outside. She may not even be aware of it. But I would try to get to the bottom of what it is and make it a priority. Trying to address watching the shows without addressing the underlying issue is going to be largely fruitless I think. Conversely, my guess is that once the underlying issue is addressed to some extent, then she won't be walking around with the phone or similar. She might still like the shows but it won't be to this obsessive level.
Plus then your wife will be happier, which is no small benefit.
Edit: So to address the I-think-pretty-reasonable question of how actually obsessive her watching of these shows actually is: How much does your wife do this? Like how many hours a day is she watching her shows? Does it actually interfere with other activities, or is it only something she's doing during "downtime" or chores or etc?
Usually someone who has obsessive behavior has something in their life that they’re not settled with. The brain sort of “gets stuck” trying to redress the imbalance of the unmet need; the coping behavior (in this case the trashy shows) doesn’t actually fulfill the need, but the brain’s still latched onto it as what might help if you just get enough of it, so the consumption grows out of all proportion.
Wow, this struck such a chord with me. It suddenly highlighted periods in my life where I’ve obsessively consumed (media, substances) with a feeling of no control, and those were often times where I was struggling with an underlying (often unrecognized) issue.
Depends on the size of your market. While I’d hate to put life on hold and that can’t be good for mental health, you only get one chance to make a first impression. If your potential target demographic is small, some will hold it against you and you’ll run through the possibilities faster. If there are plenty of fish in your sea, go for it. Even if someone forms a negative opinion based on something g shallow, you can just keep looking
Use the fact that you’re actively working on losing some pounds as a talking point, it’s just another thing to potentially talk about during a date. Makes you look good. Will help build your confidence in your whole self, the entire package, instead of leaning on how you present yourself visually. Dating is also something you get better at with practice, so you may as well be practicing it now. Lastly, will help you maintain motivation to keep on losing weight.
Heres why. Losing weight is working on you. You want your potential mate to see the best you not just physically but mentally.
Trust me lose the weight and fix you. Then jump back in. It will make a world of difference not having to worry about your shit and focus 100% on the relationship.
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