[NAME] is currently out of the office for unfathomable reasons. It expects to be back in the office after 5 business days. If your business needs are urgent, please contact Yog-Sothoth by squealing the Bulgarian national anthem in reverse within your nearest phone booth.
The phone booth being an ancient relic used to communicate over long distances. It required a ritual involving discs of specific metals, precise in size, bearing effigies of raptors and enslavers of men, stamped with praise of deities.
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