athairmor,

With every picture I see of him I’m more convinced he’s had a stroke and it affected the right side of his body.

The right eye is slightly less open. The right side of his mouth is slightly slack. He always covers his right hand with his left. My father had a stroke and the hand thing was really obvious.

TransplantedSconie,

Stable Genius isn’t going to testify? I thought he was going to, and it would destroy the prosecution!

dhork,

Trump has been resting this whole time …

themeatbridge,

Speaking before court, the former president said: “We’ll be doing something in the morning and then probably coming back in the afternoon. And we’ll be resting pretty quickly.”

He added, however, “I won’t be resting. I don’t rest.”

Smash cut to a montage of Trump asleep at the defense table

Narrator: He rests a lot.

dhork,

Haha, I up voted this because I thought it was a funny parody, then scrolled down the NYT live blog and realized it was an actual quote

orclev,

Trump is like a walking Onion article. It’s impossible to parody him because he’s already stranger than fiction.

silence7,

Probably a key reason Global Tetrahedron was able to buy out The Onion.

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