My life would be a-lot better if I could get addicted to drugs. Sadly my brain puts a hard stop to that and I just stop doing them mainly due to severe depression. I even used to smoke for like a month of nicotine vapes only to just quit outright.
Oh yeah due to lack of chemicals in my brain that lets me get addicted to things alongside having broken dopamine pathways. I can’t remember jack shit and the only thing I do remember are the things that my autism hyper focuses on or certain types of delusions or fantasies I have going on in my head including dreams. Sadly I also broke the more creative side of my brain after tripping too hard and now not even LSD can make me hallucinate as I can choose not to. It’s probably for the best that I’m grounded so far into reality that my delusions and fantasies are just intrusive thoughts now more than anything else.
I have had a theory for many years that part of my autism is related to a unbalanced endocannabinoid system where i do not make enough dopamine as part of the natural reward process.
I bet you already tried full spectrum cannabinoid oil containing both cbd and thc. But if not i highly recommend it. But not to get high. I personally found a good dosage that allows me to boost the ecs the right amount to have it function more similar to others.
I am curious to know if you ever tried dmt? Real Breakthrough does not compare to conventional psychedelics but if you already state that to much lsd ruined your (creative) right hemisphere i am not sure i can recommend it.
What can absolutely recommend for intrusive fantasy is recreational immersive daydreaming. I have a feeling you may already be doing this but in the form of Maladaptive daydreaming
What i realized for me is that its all about balance in your mind. I love working with logic, structure and math and general very left hemisphere stuff. But i also have a real need to stimulate my right hemisphere trough a creative process.
If i don’t foster my creativity and ability to fantasize i become distressed and borderline psychotic making me unable to work with logic and structure.
I always make sure i have acces to a creative outlet, be it a specific task on my job (i am fortune to have alot of freedom though) or a side hobby.
Whenever i have time alone (which is also a need many neurodivergent people share) i tap into fantasy to simulate a world around me where i have absolutely creative control. Its also fairly useful because you can simulate situations from real life to study them up close.
Yeah I already smoke weed and it makes me feel “normal” per say. But I only smoke it at work and I don’t really smoke outside of work in general because I either forget or just don’t want to. Honestly I think I should force myself to smoke more but for some reason I never do. As with the creative outlet… Uh yeah I need one badly. It’s a shame. That i’m literally bad at doing any creative work or having the will power to fully realize the worlds I create inside my head from time to time. I’m really really lazy. Granted I guess most of the things I would create would be extremely experimental at best or bad to play at large. In terms of games I would like to make.
Don’t force yourself to smoke more unless you actually feel it improves your situation.
I absolutely get using it for work even while such a thing is heavily looked down upon on. If not for cananbinoid medicine to make me appear normal i would have been fired a long time ago, its rare to meet someone who understands this.
As for creative outlets, they don’t need to be huge projects that you never Finnish. Also remember that the goal is to accomplish a creation. The act of maintaining a creative process is where the health bonus i tried.
Some personal recommendations.
view personal challenges as if they are puzzles. Your own behavioral tendencies as game mechanics. puzzle with your game mechanics to create a system where you get closer to succeeding the personal challenge with the least amount of effort.
Jack Herer is a great medicinal strain, stay away from unknown weed. Having a consistent source of the same known strains and knowing your dosage is the difference between medicinal use and drug abuse.
if you like good tactile feedback invest in a good keyboard that makes you want to type just for the feeling. I understand that this may be difficult for you cause you do appear to miss basically any reward feedback but the idea is to start typing down some of your ideas and fantasies as an excuse to use tockle on your keyboard.
If you have an interest in computers, move to linux if you havent already. You learn so much about computers in general and you have so much freedom you can design your experience to be tailored to your needs. Its a good symbiosis of technical and creative ideas.
Video games that stimulate the creative processes: Minecraft, Rimworld, The sims, Actively modding games, like skyrim or cyberpunk.
Regardless of if this advice is useful, I wish you the best. Its rare to meet someone who’s challenges hit so close to home, even in autistic circles.
Me right now too. I was thinking about this episode recently. I couldn’t figure out what it was supposed to be comparable to. I guessed dodging traffic on a highway, but that didn’t seem right. Getting hooked on drugs makes sense though.
They get bad for a while, then have some weirdly good ones again later. But if you watch the first 3 seasons you’ll understand basically every SpongeBob meme, and I think probably 90% are in season 1.
Add comment