HonkTonkWoman

@HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee

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HonkTonkWoman,

How many roast quails can fit in a rotisserie chicken?

I think we’re still selling ourselves short here!

HonkTonkWoman,

https://lemm.ee/pictrs/image/37f3fef3-4622-41bf-90b2-9c62887480e4.jpeg

HonkTonkWoman,

Additionally, Weed, Whites (pills), and Wine had a moment when Little Feat & Linda Ronstadt popularized Lowell George’s “Willin’”.

HonkTonkWoman,

Jar Jar should’ve been DarthHypnoToad with those eyes.

HonkTonkWoman,

Big fan of this person, who looks like they died in the middle of birthing the three stooges…

wonky woman

HonkTonkWoman,

Same here! Billy Madison really fucked my perspective on penguin sizes.

penguing

HonkTonkWoman,

“Dildo is for Dildo Lovers” bumper stickers would be flying off the shelf!

HonkTonkWoman,

I still have a FireWire 400 to DV cable.

I no longer have a DV Camera or a FireWire 400 port, but I’m keeping that damn cable.

HonkTonkWoman,

Ah, I see you know your combustion well.

HonkTonkWoman,

Way too many clothes for Florida, much less the southern United States, just entirely too many clothes altogether.

The distinct lack of a visible tallywhacker should lead most to correctly assume this image is, in fact, artificially intelligent. If that trait is not as obvious, maybe the absence of alligators & crystal meth will serve as triggers to unlocking this truth.

HonkTonkWoman,

It means exactly what you’re afraid it means… US Southerners have a strange desire to expose their genitalia in public settings.

HonkTonkWoman,

“Well? There’s three of you, you’re not exactly lone…”

HonkTonkWoman,

So disappointed it’s not available for purchase or streaming…

HonkTonkWoman,

Toilet mushrooms go great with crotch fries, they really bring out that tanginess.

HonkTonkWoman,

I did this to a friend, no idea how high up their “weird dinner shit” list this sits.

I was in kindergarten when I got invited over to stay over & the mom served broccoli.

I hate broccoli.

I tried ignoring the broccoli, no dice. I tried telling the mom I was allergic, no dice. I tried trading in the broccoli for more bread, no dice…

Out of options, I begrudgingly ate a piece & knew immediately I couldn’t stomach another, so I did the only logical thing an illogical kindergartner knew to do….

I stuffed the broccoli in the couch cushions…

Yes, I got caught. Their dog sniffed out my stash.

HonkTonkWoman,

Aww, that’s a shame! The kid I was hanging out with became one of my best friends & still is.

And their dog was always glad to see me…

HonkTonkWoman,

Not until the fifth panel is drawn. Until the fifth panel drawn it is impossible to know whether they died or fused grotesquely into a single festering green-goopy figure who becomes a local superhero, and, overtime, earns the moniker of Toxic Avenger, thus rebooting the greatest franchise of all time.

It’s 50/50.

HonkTonkWoman,

Wonder what would happen if that PO Box got an influx of post-dated $6.95 checks?

HonkTonkWoman,

Genital Nerds™ , the tastiest of the STDs.

HonkTonkWoman,

That’s the best thing to come out of Sandler in a while.

HonkTonkWoman,

Tweefies

HonkTonkWoman,

I’ve heard that cooking shrimp with tails still encased in their shells helps preserve flavor, but I’ve never heard of anyone actually eating the shell.

I just pick the end of the shell off the tail before wasting the whole thing.

HonkTonkWoman,

I’ll continue to respect Navalny for standing up to Putin, but dude was not an egalitarian by any stretch of the imagination.

“He used to attend the Russian march, a very far-right nationalist group generally behind the slogan of ‘Russia for ethnic Russians’. Anybody who expects Navalny to be an ideal Western liberal Democrat has been mistaken,”

His ultra-nationalist sentiment was prominent in a video dating back some 17 years filled with xenophobic comments.

“Everything in our way should be carefully but decisively removed through deportation,” Navalny said in the video dressed as a dentist, comparing immigrants to dental cavities.”

HonkTonkWoman,

Before it was purchased by VF Corp, Wrangler/Lee was head-quartered in my hometown Greensboro, NC.

Subsequently, the city is nicknamed “Jeansboro” & we have statues of pants all around the city.

And #3, The Race Intimidator, grew up a little over an hour away, in Kanapolis…

This is just ripe for a coming of age tale about a young redneck whose pappy didn’t believe in his ability to drive in circles or post memes, so he partners up with a friendly local corporation to make his dreams come true.

HonkTonkWoman,

Eh, this is more Backstroke of the West than an aneurysm.

HonkTonkWoman,

She’s like Mother Teresa, she’ll come atcha like a tornado of teeth & fingernails.

HonkTonkWoman,

Given Jesus’s relationship with water, he’d better hope that cord don’t snap.

HonkTonkWoman,

Not fast enough. Eat some raisins.

HonkTonkWoman,

https://lemm.ee/pictrs/image/a8456185-61ae-405d-8a99-0639c2b7dd40.jpeg

HonkTonkWoman,

Ooh! Now do Gouda with Goose from Top Gun and Brenda from 90210.

HonkTonkWoman,

Kinda looks like that picture was taken from inside a jello mold, looking out.

I think I can see a grape.

E: it might be corn, not a grape

HonkTonkWoman,

Scorsese homage with a montage of battered justices strewn around the White Castle lot as the piano from Layla ramps up.

“When they found Clarence Thomas in the meat truck, he was frozen so stiff it took them two days to thaw him out for the autopsy…”

Or maybe Cotton Eyed Joe.

HonkTonkWoman,

SHAVE ‘EM OFF!!! SHAVE. THEM. OFFFFFF.

Eyelids are nothing but ocular foreskin standing between you and skinless holiness.

196 rule (aussie.zone)

TranscriptionA picture of 4 cans of drink. Near the top of the can is the word “Suntory”. Below that is a stylised image of halved lemons in water. Under that, the name of the drink, “-196”, with the flavour “double lemon”. Next to the main brand name logo is a smaller label reading > Suntory > > -196°c > > Freeze...

HonkTonkWoman,

“Make it Suntory Time!”

HonkTonkWoman,

hotdoaco?

hotacog?

dotaho?

HonkTonkWoman,

I only visited this post because of the image & now I’m performing cunnilingus on a bowl of Mac & Cheese.

Please remove the image.

HonkTonkWoman,

So civilized in fact, there are monetized YouTube channels dedicated to catching & shaming people for not returning their carts.

So it’s kind of like the European system in a way. Instead of getting a coin for returning an abandoned shopping cart, you can get a subscriber count & ad revenue!

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