thefartographer

@thefartographer@lemm.ee

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

thefartographer,

Never change, SatansMaggotyCumFart. Always be the reason my eyeballs burn.

thefartographer,

I don’t remember taking this photo??? But there it is, so I must have taken that photo…

Only a true fartographer could capture a handful of turds appearing to sniff a fart.

thefartographer,

You heard it here first: God gave Trump herpes

thefartographer,

Hey, maybe we should stop doing fox hunts, then 38 dogs won’t suddenly end up in a lake. I’m glad they are okay, but I’m gonna blindly label their owners as shitty people

thefartographer,

Punish them the same way they punished their own customers: charge their credit card and tell them they can now keep the titles they forgot to return.

thefartographer,

I remember walking barefoot to Blockbuster from the neighborhood pool to rent N64 games. Good fucking times

thefartographer,

Ramping off a dolphin in wave race was the moment I realized games could literally never improve or become more realistic. It wasn’t the dumbest thought I’ve ever had, but it ranks pretty high up there.

thefartographer,

I like my corrupt justices like I like my coffee: ground up, boiled, and helping me shit out last night’s dinner

thefartographer,

Your parents were like, “Homey don’t play that”

Accused adulterer Trump who paid to keep Stormy Daniels affair secret professes ‘love’ for the Ten Commandments (www.independent.co.uk)

“I LOVE THE TEN COMMANDMENTS IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS, PRIVATE SCHOOLS, AND MANY OTHER PLACES, FOR THAT MATTER. READ IT — HOW CAN WE, AS A NATION, GO WRONG??? THIS MAY BE, IN FACT, THE FIRST MAJOR STEP IN THE REVIVAL OF RELIGION, WHICH IS DESPERATELY NEEDED, IN OUR COUNTRY. BRING BACK TTC!!! MAGA2024,” Trump wrote in the early...

thefartographer,

No puppet, no puppet. YOU’RE THE PUPPET!

thefartographer,

“Down with aborting, do more deporting!”

“We love protesting and child molesting!”

The Texan family values chant

thefartographer,

No, way past this! In fact, never play this part again!

thefartographer,

Shit, if MST3K, Cinematic Titanic, and RiffTrax have taught me anything, it’s you can’t win 'em all, but you’re always a winner when you’re laughing with your friends

thefartographer,

And 1% of the production value. I’m just glad they’re all still willing to put out content for us weirdos

Warning to Trump’s new pals on Wall Street (www.politico.com)

Republican donors – including those who had said they’d never support Trump again after Jan. 6 — believe the current regulatory climate for businesses is also an existential danger. Kathy Wylde, president and CEO of the Partnership for New York City — a nonprofit organization representing the city’s top business...

thefartographer,

I asked all the oligarchs and every last one of them said “gee, this is such a beautiful day to sit near a window, run near stairs, sunbathe under armories, or consume accidental poisons. Ah yes, so lovely– OH NO, COMPLETELY ON ACCIDENT THIS HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCE IS HAPPENING PURELY BECAUSE OF MY OWN ACTIONS AND I LOVE THE GOVERNMENT!!!”

thefartographer,

I’m Jewish and I fart a lot. It’s not antisemitic to say that I fart a lot, but it is to say that Jews fart a lot based only on your know knowledge of me.

If I come over to your house and drop an insane deuce in your toilet, it’s concerning but not antisemitic to say that a Jew ruined your toilet. If you tell your friends that the Jews conspired to blow up your toilet, that would be both antisemitic and 100% true.

It also wouldn’t be anti-American to say that Chipotle provided me WMDs: Weapons of Massive Diarrhea

thefartographer,

I want meaningful consequences for the journalists, too: decent and secure housing, great medical and dental plans, fantastic retirement plans, major celebrity status in every restaurant they enter, etc.

thefartographer,

I agree wholeheartedly. Let’s start with Danielle Metz

thefartographer,

Wow, I was looking for nonviolent felons, but this is an incredible option. Put them both in the running and we’d probably have the largest voter turnout ever. With people actually choosing a preferred candidate, not the less shitty one

thefartographer,

Consider that the energy output of a 12-gauge shotgun is approximately 4500 Newton-meters and, from personal experience, can rotate a first-gen iPad at an extrapolated 240 rpm (extrapolated as this proved difficult to sustain). That gives us an equivalent of 113 kW! A modern ipad would only need about 13 kW to charge in one second.

So, one shotgun shell could easily charge yours and 7 of your friends ipads instantaneously, although the results are difficult to appreciate.

thefartographer,

Marty! It’s your children! The little bastards won’t stop playing Ska-booby toilets!

thefartographer,

Now now, no need for all of this extreme talk

thefartographer,

I can’t see Odo anymore without hearing in my head, “AAAHHHH!!! I AM SHATTERED TO PIECES!” from It’s Always Sunny

thefartographer,

Trump paid more for people to do nothing than he pays his own contractors

thefartographer,

Don’t quit punching Nazis just cuz your arms are getting tired, tag in a friend and punch Nazis together!

thefartographer,

Thank you for the suggestion!

thefartographer,

Shit. She’s slowly unravelling how I got my Jew-laser into space. This lady is a goddamn genius and needs to be stopped!

thefartographer,

According to this shit I just made up, 95% of all quotes come from Benjamin Franklin. Using equally loose definitions, my lies are AI.

See also: Alternative Facts

thefartographer,

Little shit-dick boys won’t quit being crybabies sticking their dicks in shit?

thefartographer,

Google: You know those LLMs?

Engineer: Yes, what about it?

G: So I took one of those and I vomited diarrhea into its mouth-

E: Wait, what?

thefartographer,

And an American-Italian restaurant specializing in pizzas

thefartographer,

Yeah? Well, you have arms! Doesn’t feel so good when people say it to you, huh?

thefartographer,

I think most of these people are offended because you said “tummy”

thefartographer,

Yeah? Well here’s the second thing: those people are a bunch of doodieheads

thefartographer,

Thanks! I’ll use, them liberally and, with reckless abandon! Look, earrings!

,😁,

thefartographer,

Chilaquiles:

Eggs, salsa or picante sauce, tortilla chips, Mexican blend or other preferred cheese, butter or oil, tortillas if you’re feeling sassy.

Heat your cooking surface to medium high, slap on the butter or oil, smash them eggs in and get to scrambling. When the eggs first start to congeal, crush some tortilla chips and toss them in like confetti. Scramble until nearly done and then smother that shit in salsa. Scramble briefly some more and then cut off the heat. Add the cheese as you please and cover just long enough for the cheese to melt—I usually just put the plate I’m gonna use over the pan.

From start to cleanup, if this recipe takes you longer than 10-15 minutes, you’re getting too fancy.

thefartographer,

No, you’re thinking of Kristen Bell who is the “let it go” lady. Streisand is the one who famously lost out on Worst Actress to Kristen Stewart for her role in The Guilt Trip, in which she played the unbelievably original role of “obnoxious Jewish mother.”

She also released at least one musical album back in the 1900s and appeared in a few movies.

One such movie included Streisand portraying the daughter of a disappointed rabbi who also questions her father’s ability to hear her.

thefartographer,

You talking about the wick-edly talented… Adele Dazeem?

thefartographer,

Fucking A, good for her! This whole ordeal has been the strangest double-scapegoating I’ve ever culturally been a part of.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • fightinggames
  • All magazines